Embracing Your Inner Perfectionist
Emotional Wellness: Inner Peace and Strength
Embracing Your Inner Perfectionist
“I am a recovering perfectionist and an aspiring Good-Enough-ist.”- Brene Brown
“The perfectionist within” is very familiar with, and can spring into action when the little voice in the back of our head begins to feed us with the “not enough” statements. Just to name a few of these “not good enoughs”: I am not worthy enough, I am not smart enough, I am not thin enough, I am not capable enough, I am not creative enough, I am not financially stable enough, I am not educated enough … the list can go on.
When the “not good enough” dialogues commence, the perfectionist can and often will make a blazing appearance. Jay Earley, in his book, Letting go of Perfectionism, references several pet names or alias for the inner perfectionist: 1) the inner controller, 2) the task master putting excess pressure on us to complete tasks or check those boxes, 3) the snake attacker to self-worth or self esteem, 4) the inner critic 5) the shamer, and 6) the guilt tripper.
This blazing appearance by the perfectionist is all encompassing, affecting our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Some common thoughts of the inner perfectionist are: You can do better than that, it has to be perfect, don’t settle for anything less than perfect, that is not acceptable, you can’t do anything right, what a mess, you are out of control, everyone/everything has to be a certain way, they expect better from you, etc. Some common emotions and behaviors are: I believe my appearance must be impeccable, I focus on what isn’t perfect and obsess about it, I have a hard time receiving compliments for things I do because I don’t think they are good enough, I believe there is a “right” way to do things, I have a hard time finishing things because I always feel they could be better, I judge myself as lazy or sloppy if I don’t handle every issue perfectly, etc.
There is in fact, magic in the madness of our inner perfectionist(s). Our inner perfectionist’s job is to protect us from our own fears. Specifically, a variety of fears of “being good enough” in some way, shape, or form. If you take a moment to think about how fortunate our psyche or ego is to PROTECT us from our fears … understanding, appreciation, and even awe will surface.
So how do we value and transform our inner perfectionist? The answer is all about ease and embrace. Can you take a moment and get to know the motives, agendas, or strategies of your perfectionist? Could your perfectionist be trying to accomplish something remarkable by judging you and pushing you? What would happen if the perfectionist didn’t surface? Could your inner perfectionist be protecting you from something? What if we respond to the presence of our inner perfectionist from a place of ease, understanding, and appreciation as opposed to avoidance, annoyance, disdain, or irritation.
Coming from a place of ease means moving carefully, gradually, or gently. Maybe our perfectionist needs us to be mindful and appreciative and take what life throws at us with grace and stride with one foot in front of the other.
Laura Widger is a NY State Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 15 years of experience in the field of emotional wellness and mental health. She currently works for CCA-Connecting Communities in Action and specializes in trauma healing with children and adults. She lives in Cattaraugus County with her husband, children, and German short haired dog. Laura personally and professionally strives to promote internal self leadership and the discovery of true genuineness and balance within.