Let Us Practice Empathy
Let Us Practice Empathy
What is empathy really? Is it a feeling? Is it an act or behavior? Can you see it or touch it? Have you heard the word or phrase but seem puzzled by what it truly is? Well … you turned the right page and zoomed in on the column that will attempt to clarify empathy’s complexities.
Empathy in its truest form is a person’s innate ability to understand or comprehend the feelings of another. Having empathy involves the capability to sense or know exactly what another person is experiencing emotionally, in addition to, imagining or sensing what another might be thinking or feeling. I envision empathy as a heart string with one person’s heart attached to another by means of an invisible string of connection and emotional knowing.
Human’s ability to have empathy instinctively ranges on a continuum from having no concept of empathy to living life in a constant state of empathic attunement. Empathy can not be counterfeited or forged. However, I am of the belief that empathic perception can be learned and enhanced with awareness and practice.
What if we view empathy as a developing muscle? With that outlook, let us begin with a spotlight on the empathy continuum, specifically, on those who struggle with empathy. For those of us who can relate, how about we think of developing empathy in the same sense as setting an intention to develop a bicep muscle. What is needed is hard work, time, focus, energy, and practice or “reps.” For those who live in a continual state of empathic attunement, perhaps a change-up of the workout routine is necessary. For example, pace, slowing down movements or thoughts, and catching the automatic empathic responses are perhaps what is in order. Now, how about we break down ways to develop, enhance, or pace our empathic abilities.
In flexing our empathy muscles conceivably, we can stretch for these 5 things: listen actively, explore differences, stay out of judgement, put yourself in someone else’s shoes, and communicate your understanding of what someone else is going through.
LISTEN ACTIVELY: Jamil Zaki, a professor of psychology at Stanford University describes the practice of listening actively as “reformulating the message to the person who just said it. For example, try actively listening to the store cashier. Observe the nonverbal cues. The key is to focus on the intended meaning and feelings of the person you are interacting with.”
EXPLORE DIFFERENCES: Zaki continues in his book, Heartficial Empathy by stating, “Exploring differences can look like putting yourself in environments where people are from different backgrounds. For example, you might want to join a local community outreach group or volunteer for a charity. Immense yourself in a diversity of other’s experiences.”
STAY OUT OF JUDGEMENT: When it comes to staying out of judgment, if you find yourself beginning to judge, catch it, hit the pause button, and embrace the practice of acceptance and understanding instead.
PUT YOURSELF IN SOMEONE ELSE’S SHOES: True practice of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes involves a willingness to witness an experience of another from how they see it and not how you imagine their experience to be.
COMMUNICATE YOUR UNDERSTANDING: Brene Brown says there are several simple phrases to communicate your understanding of what someone else is going through. Some of these phrases to say to another are: I’m curious about, help me understand, and walk me through that.
Brene Brown is an empathy expert, so let us close with one of her quotes: “Empathy has no script. There is no right or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judging, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of ‘you’re not alone’.”
Laura Widger is a NY State Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 15 years of experience in the field of emotional wellness and mental health. She currently works for CCA-Connecting Communities in Action and specializes in trauma healing with children and adults. She lives in Cattaraugus County with her husband, children, and German short haired dog. Laura personally and professionally strives to promote internal self leadership and the discovery of true genuineness and balance within.