New Year, New You… Now What?
New Year, New You… Now What?
As the excitement, buzz, and movement towards personal growth, prosperity, and wellness gains momentum this month, let us just remember patience and compassion within. Americans often approach the New Year with enthusiasm, motivation, and energy. So much so, that in a recent survey noted by psychologist David B. Feldman Ph.D, 74% of people living in the United States will set a New Year’s resolution this year.
As we set our intentions, let us remember and embrace small changes and the beauty of our imperfections. Let us lean into personal moments of joy and celebration and move through those moments of stumbling.
Psychologist Judith Beck, president of the Beck Institute for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and author of The Beck Diet Solution and The Diet Trap Solution says, “People often set the same resolutions year after year after year, because they’ve never mastered or fulfilled them.” Beck highlights that for Americans it is not a lack of commitment or willpower that leads people to throw out or give up on their resolutions. Instead, we tend to fall into common thinking traps revolving New Year’s Resolutions.
Judith Beck categorizes these thinking traps into 4 categories and provides solutions for us:
Trap #1: We set resolutions that overwhelm us. A few overwhelming examples are: setting a resolution of never eating sugar again, cutting your budget in half, saying yes to every social opportunity that is made available. We end up exhausting ourselves and burning out. Beck suggests breaking down our goals into bite sizes so we are much more able to accomplish them.
Trap #2: We don’t anticipate obstacles. As we begin to set our resolutions, we tend to not think about the road blocks or common obstacles that might arise. For example, if you intend to go to the gym 7 days a week… what about sickness, weather, closures derailing that commitment? Beck suggests we think about alternative means to accomplishing our bite size goals, to think about obstacles that could come up, and to hope for the absolute best while also planning for some veers off the path.
Trap #3: We engage in all-or-nothing thinking. It is human’s inherent inclinations to fall into all or nothing frameworks. For example, I either train and complete a triathlon or I am an utter failure; I lose 20 pounds or I am worthless; I get an A on my biology exam or I am doomed. This thinking loop just sets us up for disappointment and let-downs. Beck suggests we think about the range of positive outcomes and celebrate the process and spectrum of successes instead.
Trap #4: When we get off track, we beat ourselves up. Beck references this common example: “You make a commitment to avoid sweets, but in a momentary lapse in reason, you eat a bit of chocolate cake. An instant later, you think ‘Now I blew it! I am such an idiot! I’ll never lose weight’… as you finish off the slice.” Beck offers a simple anecdote to this thought pattern. She suggests we ask ourselves, “What would I say to a friend or loved one in this situation?” It is often much more gracious, understanding, and kind. Can we turn that dialogue back upon ourselves, embrace imperfection, and tap back into motivation to get us back on track?
The turn of the calendar is a moment to reboot and refresh. It is a time to embrace our complexities, intricacies, and imperfections. Be patient and understanding with yourself just as you would with someone you love and care about.
Laura Widger is a NY State Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 15 years of experience in the field of emotional wellness and mental health. She owns and operates Inner Peace and Strength - Mental and Emotional Health, and specializes in trauma healing with children and adults. She lives in Cattaraugus County with her husband, children, and German short haired dog. Laura personally and professionally strives to promote internal self leadership and the discovery of true genuineness and balance within.