The Gift of Presence
The Gift of Presence
As the days get darker and the air gets colder at the start of the winter months, humanity prepares to celebrate the year they have had and the return of light moving forward with a myriad of religious holidays. These days, the earth and star-centered origins of these ceremonies are a bit clouded, but the importance of family and keeping the light shining through the dark in the form of holiday exuberance remains. In my opinion, that is the key during the winter - finding the things and cherishing the people that bring us the light and warmth from the source of our own center during a time when we are typically spending more of our time inside - literally and figuratively - exploring our mind and hearts in self reflection.
Lately, there has been a tendency for the phase of capitalism and expectations on the consumers to ‘rule the days’ leading up to our celebratory gatherings - for us to host our guests just right, of filling the coffers and meeting the demands of our starry eyed children and others we love. We are constantly being sold the dream that we don’t have whatever ‘it’ is, and that we need it. We can very easily generate a lot of stress by putting demands on ourselves, oftentimes imposed only by ourselves and what we think we need to make things just right for everyone else.
People may have expectations, but for the most part, the people who love us want you to feel good. We want the happiness and joy to be reciprocal, and that comes from gratitude and appreciation. We may impose the expectation that to receive that we need to provide objects and gifts. Presents. However, in reality - especially in the day and age of screen-glued eyes - a deeply appreciated and increasingly rare gift is our presence. Holding space for someone who needs it. Truly listening to someone’s expressions. Supporting and encouraging someone who is down or someone who is trying something new.
It is a wonderful feeling to see someone you care about unwrap a gift and beam with excitement and surprise. I’m not discouraging this form of giving. Rather trying to encourage cherished memories to be made, relationships to be deepened, realization and appreciation for the amazing connections you have in your life. These are things that will live on long after people pass or go their separate ways; after your children grow and fly from the nest. Say yes when you can, and no when you have to. Don’t overextend yourself. Try not to place yourself in situations or conversations that could build resentment. Be authentic. Be patient. Be encouraging.
Being present with those around you means also being present with yourself and recognizing how you truly feel. From there, move forward with grace and care for yourself and for those around you.
I feel pretty blessed to have grown up in Ellicottville, with the community virtually centered around the winter months. Once the snow flies the whole town starts buzzing with excitement and activity. I spent a lot of my summer days just waiting for the time when I could get back on the slopes. That is certainly not the case for a lot of folks. Winter can be a cold dark time with not a lot going on. If you don’t have a winter activity and aren’t interested in finding yourself out in it, be a little extra patient and present with yourself. Take some Vitamin D, try to find some form of activity and exercise, some craft to master. And if you still find yourself in some sort of unsavory attitude, do your best to be honest and open without paying it forward.
An open mind and an open heart leaves room for more light to get in, and our attitudes are contagious.
Trevor Brachmann is an artist, beekeeper and a budding small farmer living just outside of the village. He is currently undertaking a fine jewelry education course and looks forward to sharing his work in the not-so-distant future. Trevor finds his inspiration in nature and through the wonderful people around him.