Connecting with Others While Setting an Intention for the Holiday Season
Connecting with Others While Setting an Intention for the Holiday Season
The holiday season is a time of year where we all experience engagements, emotions, festivities, and events with our own shades of experience(s) influencing us. With Covid-19 adding to this mix, the uncertainty and the verge off the “normal” holiday path will occur. Often times setting an intention or having a frame of reference during abnormal times can bring internal balance and equilibrium. Let us hear from several community members to see their spin on “holiday intention setting.”
We begin with Amy Brown and Don Keenan, avid ski racing coaches at HoliMont, as they clue us in on ways to incorporate winter sports into the holiday week. Amy states, “What we have done for a long long time, is to grab our snowshoes on New Year’s Day and trek around together. Even on Christmas day, there is often a lot going on inside our home, and taking some time to get outside is a reset for both of us.” Don Keenan states, “Being outside in the winter time … outside is the best side. Especially during a pandemic, being outside is where I go where life feels normal. We set an intention to appreciate the beauty and nature we have around us … the fresh air. Even our dog is happier outside.” Amy and Don live several hours away from Ellicottville yet long to be united with the joy the town of Ellicottville instills within their hearts. They describe skiing in Ellicottville as “the North on their compass” and add, “Ellicottville is where we want to be. Everything feels better outside in Ellicottville - our brains, ours bodies, and our psyches.” Our suggestions for anyone that shys away from winter sports or the outdoors is to “start small and slow. Go for a walk. Get out there and get a taste of it. Wear layers. Don’t try and conquer the world on your first time out. Find someone who will go with you and make it social. We can connect and be social outside a lot more easily during this Covid time, than inside, that is. ”
Micki Layfield Ellis, a recovering food addict, will shine a light on cravings and food triggers. Micki defines food addiction as “a phenomena of craving by ingesting sugar, wheat or processed refined products of food. There is a major difference between a craving and a desire. A craving is something, if ingested, you want more and more of. It is very intense and it pulls you back in. A desire is to want something and then not have it, without that intense pull. In my recovery, my perspective shifted from I can’t have this to I am choosing not to eat this.” Micki comments on how holiday gatherings - from a food perspective - can trigger emotionality. She specifies, “Family or social gatherings have the tendency to pressure you or contribute to your belief system of eating beyond your desire. A few examples are: if you love me you will eat it, come on I made this special for you, well you ate the whole thing last year so I knew you liked it.” When asked what strategies she suggests to navigate the overindulgence or food addictive tendencies, Micki emphasizes reaching out and connecting with others who are supports. Micki administers and participates in the “Life Recovery Group” located in Olean, NY every week. She states, “Having a plan, abstaining, seeking out supports or sponsorships, engaging in treatment or meetings, reading literature, journaling, being honest/open minded/willing, as well as being of service to others whom addiction or cravings effect are all avenues of support.”
Micki highlights very well the power of addiction. With that said, let us hear the wise words of recovering alcoholic, Phyllis Clark. Phyllis draws attention to a few helpful tips for those community members struggling with alcohol or drug addictions. “During the holidays, especially, stay away from people who are drinking or using drugs, even if that includes family members. If you are in early recovery, you don’t need to be around it. AA groups discuss the fact that if you do feel that you must go to holiday dinners where substances are present, have a way out. Bring a friend. Have a vehicle. You don’t want to be stuck there. Also, having a plan ahead of time on what to do if somebody offers you a drink or a drug. Simply saying no thank you and leaving it at that is spot on. If people around you are drinking, carry a glass of water, juice or soda, because then people aren’t likely to even offer you a drink.” Phyllis comments on the power of connection by stating, “You need to find people to be with that will support you. It can be difficult for some because they don’t want to reach out. Find people who are supportive. I wholeheartedly support AA and NA because you will find people just like you. Samhsa and Oasis are also wonderful resources.” Phyllis also emphasizes the power of self forgiveness and compassion by mentioning, “If relapse does happen, it happened and move forward … put it in the past and do what you need to do. It is not starting over … it is getting back to what works or what kept you clean and sober.”
Phyllis features (self) compassion as a characteristic of recovery, as well as something essential during the holidays. With that said, Mary Claire Vivian spotlights ways to make Christmas and the holidays memorable, heartfelt, and special for children. Mary Claire is a 5th grade teacher and mother of 3 who emphasizes giving rather than receiving all year round. She states, “One activity my children do is to clean out their toy room this time of year. The kids choose a few of their really nice toys to donate to a charity organization. I tell them that they are going to be getting new toys, so think about giving a toy that they really like and could keep.” Mary Claire is looking forward to making this holiday season present focused, intention influenced, and one to truly never forget. She states, “I am looking forward to slowing the pace of life to really enjoy the small things and the traditions. We make English toffee every year to gift to others. We can’t wait to embrace sing alongs from my 2 older children’s piano book sets. We have the idea to carol from a distance outside my aging parents’ home. ” The holidays this year, is all about how to connect at a distance or in a different and unique way. Mary Claire adds, “My family has really embraced this holiday season differing than any other year … it is just one year. I find myself so fortunate that my family members are all onboard to not get together this year … to see them in years to come. We just have acceptance across the board.” Mary Claire pinpoints one of the reasons for the season - the magic. She states, “I truly believe this Christmas will not be as hard on the children as it will be on the parents. The magic of Christmas exists whether or not we do things the way we have ‘always done them.’ I don’t think the kiddos will have many problems. It all comes down to the parent’s attitude. If a parent were to say, ‘ohhhh we won’t be able to do this or that this year,’ as opposed to a parent having excitement and making new memories, the outcome will be different. It is all about perspectives. There truly are so many silver linings during this pandemic.”
Speaking of silver linings, Linda Baker, trauma therapy at the Miriam Center for Hope and Healing in Olean, NY talks about plans shifting and human’s natural growing abilities to move and change through it. Linda states, “Just being prepared for plans to change is important. Understand and set aside time to turn inward and talk to yourself about those plans changing directions. One way to talk it through looks something like this: If my first plan doesn’t work, have a plan B, and then follow through on that plan B. Think about video chatting, skyping, and connecting with neighbors.” Linda emphasizes the importance of connection and reaching out during this time of year specifically. Linda also mentions that the holidays - for some - can bring about those BIG feelings: sadness, anger, loneliness, grief. Linda further explains, “If you find yourself isolated and lonely, just talking about and saying out loud to yourself or others, ‘I am really lonely’ can help. Having somebody to talk to about how you feel and giving yourself permission to call and reach out to supports is key. Making a plan, if best prior to the holiday season, about how to navigate holiday feelings of ‘impending doom’ can help you feel better.” Along with friends and family members, sometimes the most pivotal supports in life are therapists. Linda wholeheartedly believes this when she states, “Don’t hesitate to call a therapist. It is not shame. It is not a bad thing. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. It is not the end of the world, even though we have been taught that.”
Linda could not emphasize enough about the power of reaching out and connecting with others. Wedding and event planner, Sam Nelson has more to say on this topic. Sam agrees with the common consensus that the 2020 holidays are just going to be very odd. Sam states, “Yes it will be weird to not be putting together or attending holiday parties. However, the important thing to remember during this time is: we are all going through this together. For those who don’t have immediate family to celebrate with, try to be there for one another via zoom calls, nice letters or notes, sweet gestures, etc. It is important to keep in mind that this time is not going to last forever and we just need to check in on one another.” Sam passionately understands the power of connection. When asked what are some festive sentiments to make this holiday season beautiful, Sam reports, “Focus on making this year special and elevated. One way to do that is to buy the really nice plates, platters, place settings, or centerpieces you have always wanted. There are a lot of local florists that are creating absolutely amazing centerpieces this year. This is the year to think outside of the box, especially with children. Do something you wouldn’t usually do. Take it to an elevated level. You don’t have to spend a fortune. Craft. Give yourself time to create something homemade in the kitchen. This year, one of my girlfriends initiated a wreath contest at a distance. We are all making a seasonal wreath and will then vote on ‘the best of the best.’ This will replace our girl’s brunch and gift exchange this year. Make this year one to remember.”
In closing and with deep appreciation for these community members’ insights, it appears across the board that setting intentions, finding the silver linings, and making the 2020 holiday season memorable is more than possible. Lacing throughout all these interviews was the subtle emphasis on human connection and reaching out to people and loved ones (even at a distance). Human beings need social engagement and attachment bonds to survive. With that said, reach out, connect, and find those silver linings, even if you have to search for them.
Laura Widger is a NY State Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 15 years of experience in the field of emotional wellness and mental health. She currently works for CCA-Connecting Communities in Action and specializes in trauma healing with children and adults. She lives in Cattaraugus County with her husband, children, and German short haired dog. Laura personally and professionally strives to promote internal self leadership and the discovery of true genuineness and balance within.
